Biscuits- The Whys? And Wherefores?

This is a blog about biscuits, it has no grand ambitions other than to inform you in a quantitive way of which biscuit is best.  I’m going to apply pure unsolisticted science in my aim to deliver a piece of research never before attempted.  By the end you’ll have learnt something, laughed, had your preconceptions challenged; and in all probablity cried.  And yet whilst my ambitions are low I hope you find this a worthy use of your time.

And so which utterly modern scientific technique shall I employ? Clearly to deliver solid facts worthy of publication I’ll have to use something easily comparable and methodical.  There will also have to be some Japanese  ‘definitely going to work’ mindset.  Although pain staking scientific techniques can sometimes seem overwhelming I’m going to try and bring my research down to a laymans level.  Therefore I will be using the  thoroughly modern Marketing technique- ‘The Five Senses’ which I’m sure you’re all aware of.  In fact you’ve probably experienced all five.  The biscuit must satisfy each sense to be worthy of purchasing, consuming and writing a blog about.

The biscuit should also touch you in a sixth, less tangible way- The Heart.  For this final reason there will be no further mention of – the rich tea, the digestive and the malted milk.  I’m not even going to respect them with Capital Letters. They don’t deserve it.  Somehow, somewhere, people buy all of these in their millions, and they are soulless, lifeless individuals who bore you at parties.  I wouldn’t trust them with my goldfish let alone influencing this blog.



3 thoughts on “Biscuits- The Whys? And Wherefores?

  1. However the digestive is a cure to the soulless belly to which the party had left your belly within utter dismay and disgust of that hallowing feeling that you have just destroyed yourself. This biscuit will in fact, cure you of this horror and put back the nutrients you need to make you feel like you are safe to shit another day. One of the best classic biscuits, brings to you the best in poohs. I do believe you need some broader research in not just taste.. but also in digestion, what better than the digestive.

    To bring to the table and the teapot did you know that Custard Creams are the best with a hot brew?

    Posted by MellonBob | July 18, 2011, 8:49 pm
  2. What creates huge amount of confusion for me, is the fact that you (Ben) choose to have an interest (and quite clearly, a natural flare for biscuit research), yet you utterly refuse to accept the triumphant title of ‘Biscuit Ben’! Why is this Ben?! This does not make sense to me?

    Anyone else confused by this? Comments here……..

    Posted by Party Bex | July 22, 2011, 12:57 pm

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