This is a blog about biscuits, it has no grand ambitions other than to inform you in a quantitive way of which biscuit is best. I’m going to apply pure unsolisticted science in my aim to deliver a piece of research never before attempted. By the end you’ll have learnt something, laughed, had your preconceptions challenged; and in all probablity cried. And yet whilst my ambitions are low I hope you find this a worthy use of your time.
And so which utterly modern scientific technique shall I employ? Clearly to deliver solid facts worthy of publication I’ll have to use something easily comparable and methodical. There will also have to be some Japanese ‘definitely going to work’ mindset. Although pain staking scientific techniques can sometimes seem overwhelming I’m going to try and bring my research down to a laymans level. Therefore I will be using the thoroughly modern Marketing technique- ‘The Five Senses’ which I’m sure you’re all aware of. In fact you’ve probably experienced all five. The biscuit must satisfy each sense to be worthy of purchasing, consuming and writing a blog about.
The biscuit should also touch you in a sixth, less tangible way- The Heart. For this final reason there will be no further mention of – the rich tea, the digestive and the malted milk. I’m not even going to respect them with Capital Letters. They don’t deserve it. Somehow, somewhere, people buy all of these in their millions, and they are soulless, lifeless individuals who bore you at parties. I wouldn’t trust them with my goldfish let alone influencing this blog.