Those of you that have read my previous posts understand that I’m a wordsmith, a purveyor of language if you will. The sentences produced belie an inability to punctuate, hidden as they are under a warm veil of science and conversation. It’s probably not surprising then that I’m often adding things to the common vernacular, a pioneer of both biscuit based research and the language of contemporary culture. You might recognise some of my work: ‘talk to the hand’ (2007), ‘Bomb Diggity’ (2009) ‘Chillax’ (2011) and most recently, adding ‘.com’ to the end of sentences to really emphasise a point.
But maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself, perhaps you need a bit of context to understand the value of my modern ‘lingo’ (©2006). Imagine: you’re having a heated debate with your neighbour again, he’s pissed off, you’re covered in grass clippings, I get that I shouldn’t use his trampoline, it’s the same old thing. You know you can win the argument, you just need that extra bit of collateral, something to tip the balance. “I know I shouldn’t use it”, you bellow for what feels like the hundredth time, “so why do you taunt me by leaving it so close to the fence?” You’re just about to bring up his failed marriages again, (which almost feels like cheating) but instead, this time, you drop ‘.com’ at the end. You’ve got him with that. He understands now that he’s a middle aged man screaming at a scientist for having another go on his trampoline. He’s lost touch with the digital world, he’s unsure what ‘.com’ even means. Game, set and match.
It must be said however that ‘.com’ comes with it’s own inherent risks and shouldn’t be trusted to work every time. As an example, I recently attended a small bash and as is usual had a few drinks. Two hours later, and one bottle of sherry in, I found myself repetitively screaming biscuitswin.wordpress.com at the top of my lungs as part of a boisterous display of scientific virulence, which on balance, didn’t work that well at such an average party. People acted weird, it felt like I was killing the vibe, my grandmother just wasn’t keen. The problem, and therefore the solution, was of course obvious. I hadn’t had the opportunity to use my latest, and possibly greatest, of phrases properly. No wonder I had to leave shortly afterwards, no wonder my mother has deleted me on Facebook; my casual promotional party trick was audibly laborious. biscuitswin.wordpress.com is bloody lengthy. Add in to that, that the average age of the party goer was 74, and I had to include ‘www.’ as an added precaution against diminished mental capabilities. Anyway, it wasn’t a great evening, I’ve learned my lesson, and I’ve come up with the answer: Today, or at least sometime soon, I’m going to cough up and actually pay WordPress the princely sum of $18 US to get this thing onto biscuitswin’.com’. No WordPress, no verbal longevity, just the sweet, current and let’s face it, excellent ‘.com’ bomb. I need this phrase in my life, I need to pay up.
But first a warning. Literally lots of people read this blog and I want to make sure you all get the idea(.com). Therefore:
It used to be here: http://www.biscuitswin.wordpress.com
It’s now going to be here: http://www.biscuitswin.com
Once the change is made you can expect this:
And probably these:
That is all’.com’.