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Bronte Clotted Cream Shortbread Rounds. The Whys? And Wherefores?

Here at BiscuitsWin we sometimes feel that we concentrate too heavily on the standard range of biscuits available from the usual stockists, and whilst we try to introduce you to different shapes, sizes and tastes we haven’t yet turned our attention to ones of a limited availability.  Mostly I’m thinking about the kind of biscuits that accompany your pillow in rooms that aren’t your own. We’re talking about – The Hotel Biscuit.  Therefore, and without further ado, may I introduce you to Bronte’s Clotted Cream Shortbread Biscuits.

Most of you will be assuming that I’ll crack on here with the usual five senses test, and you’d be right:

Feel:

Hello! What’s this little crumbling delight between my fingers?  Such courseness, such texture.  Straight away I’m getting excited, and to think it hasn’t cost a penny!  Your mind is already picturing the way in which it will disintergrate on the way to your mouth.  In summary then, a solid start, feeling more like a quintesential biscuit than anything since the mighty Bourbon.  Let’s move on.

Sound:

Hmm, it’s a bit weak.  The clotted cream shortbread round is by its very nature, a bit on the limp side.  One expects little resistance from the material and consequently little sound.  In practice this is confirmed by a sound akin to a mouse gently exhaling.  Perfect therefore, for secret eating, but utterly rubbish for those that enjoy a good solid snap.  I would suggest that personal preference is going to be a key factor in deciding whther that’s a good thing or not.  A confused result then.

Smell:

No result.

Taste:

Hello!  What’s this?  One immediately notices the claimed ‘clotted cream’ permeating throughout each morsel and it dissolves at once leaving one with a sensation of profound dissapointment.  To be clear the dissapointment comes from it’s absence and not it’s initial presence.  One isn’t enough and neither is the second provided.  I know I can’t have more and thats a shame – they’re bloody tasty.  Well done Bronte, well done.

Sight:

I have to say I’m a little underwhelmed by the aesthetics here.  Bronte provide you with a bland yellow disk devoid of any brand stamping, logos or stripes.  There isn’t any icing and one wonders whether they have a design team at all.  I suppose biscuits aren’t soley judged on appearance, (Party Rings anyone?) but it would be nice to see a little effort being made.  In conclusion then, a poor score on the sight front.

Heart:

As usual there’s some mixed emotions here.  They do taste lovely and they feel like a real pro biscuit but the fact that you’re only ever going to eat two does something strange to one’s heart.  On the one hand you saviour every last morsel, revelling in the unique opportunity, but eventually you’re left greaving.  A little part of you dies that day in the hotel room.  You had a moment and now it’s gone.

Ok then, what did we learn?  Bronte sure know how to make a great tasting biscuit, that’s not up for debate, but they look soo bland and the crunch is patheic.  Also, and is so often the case, one’s perspective of life is key in understanding whether bronte’s is for you or not.  If you enjoy fleeting, never repeated moments of pleasure, then these are for you.  However if you’re filled with an immediate emptiness at happier times past, don’t eat them.  Leave them on the pillow, write a note for the cleaner instructing her to help herself or better yet bring them home as a gift.  Yeah you’ll look cheap but it’s the thought that counts right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Discussion

5 thoughts on “Bronte Clotted Cream Shortbread Rounds. The Whys? And Wherefores?

  1. So nothing on the mighty Walkers (you know which one) then? I link you to a pack I once found on a pillow in a room that wasn’t mine. Great simplicity yet detail in the aesthetics. If they had more in the min bar they’d make a killing.

    Posted by Pitkin | August 18, 2011, 2:23 pm
  2. Better still you could mug the cleaner and munch on bronty’s till your are satisfied.

    Posted by dieremmadyerEmma | August 18, 2011, 4:00 pm
    • Dieremmadyer thanks for your kind words. In answer to your questions – the kids are doing fine after the accident, no walking doesn’t seem likely anymore and yes it is best to keep dancing. Also I’ve only ever mugged one cleaner and I didn’t feel great about it.

      Posted by biscuitswin | August 18, 2011, 8:07 pm
  3. Come on, tell me how you actually feel.

    Posted by hotshot bald cop | August 29, 2011, 11:27 pm
  4. I just stated that a few days ago!!!

    Posted by hotshot bald cop | September 3, 2011, 2:59 pm

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