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A Note on Dunking

A lot of my fans have been suggesting I talk a little about the subtle art of dunking.  I say suggesting,  but it’s often hard to hear exactly what they’re saying as they shout through my letterbox.  However I’m sure you’re all interested so I’ll carry on.

So what is dunking?  And what does one hope to acheive?  Dunking can be defined as the process of taking a biscuit of some description and dropping it carefully into a hot drink.  The aim, so far as there is one, is to destroy the inherent flavour of the biscuit whilst simultaneously ruining your enjoyment of the drink.  Generally you should acheive a slight weariness as to the pointlessness of life and a return trip to both the kettle, and the packet.

Now that’s cleared up let’s move onto the review section of dunking.  Which is the best biscuit to dunk and which drink should it be paired up with?  As we have already established that dunking is a bad idea all round I would suggest dunking either a digestive or a rich tea as reducing the amount of both in circulation can only be a good thing.  I would then further suggest you dunk either into a cup of tea.  As we all know tea is the drink of fools, idiots and the clinically insane.  Never has there been a drink in the history of human existance that leaves one feeling so unsatisfied.  Would you like a cup of hot tainted water?  Oh yes please.

So what have we learnt about dunking?  It ruins biscuits and hot drinks alike and, if you really must continue with the practise, you should restrict yourself to a poor biscuit and a poor drink.  Lecture over.

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