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Bourbons. Why? And Wherefore?

I have, after some thought,(i.e. None) decided to settle on the Chocolate Bourbon as my opening biscuit, or ‘break-out moment’, by some parlance.  Its a clever little creature combining not one but two layers of biscuit all held together with a simple, yet delightful, layer of chocolate fondant.  You just know you’re in for a treat…

Now this isn’t Wikipedia, or dare I say it, nicecupofteaandasitdown.com , so I’m not going to bore you with facts, and deaden your brain with knowledge.  Instead I’m using key information, internet style, to give you all the background ‘content’ necessary to absorb the smorgasbord of opinion that will follow.  Therefore:

1.    The Bourbon was invented in 1910
2.    The inventors, Peak Freens of London, also invented the Garibaldi
3.    The former Royal House of France, The Bourbons, have nothing whatsoever to do with it’s inception or consumption.

Ironically I swiped that straight from Wikipedia.  That’s all they have, which seems a shame, good facts though.  Anyway, on to the review:

Sight:

Upon opening the packet you’re presented with two compact rows of bourbons nestling together.  On a slightly more upmarket one you even get the word ‘bourbon’ written down the middle; which I suppose might be there to meet an equality qouta.   The colouring lets you know you’re in for a chocolate based treat straight away, no ambiguity there, not like the Garibaldi which hides its pleasures within, (but that’s for another day).  On balance it’s a credible start and in practice it passes the ‘you open a packet and everyone steals one’ test.

Smell:
It smells like a biscuit.  Not much more to it than that really.

Taste:

Fireworks! Visions of Heaven! Ambrosia!  The overwhelming juxtaposition of crunch and smooth rich fondant is unparalleled in the world of food.  Mr Peak Freens should have trained as a chef, imagine what he could have done without the restraints of his usual ingredients?.  One isn’t enough and neither is three, we’re into eating a whole packet territory here, it’s worth it.  And so are you.

Feel:

It feels like a biscuit, the edges are kind of rounded I suppose, and it feels solid-ish.  Proper science can be so dull, lets move on.

Sound:

Biscuits are one of those rare foods, which across the board, make an audible sound when you bite into them, and chew.  There’s no getting around the audibility.  A lot of people would probably cite the Jaffa Cake here as an exception but I’m trying not to get bogged down in too many facts.  There was a courtcase and now its not a biscuit anymore.  They are bloody lovely though.
Anyway back to the Bourbons.  They have a solid tearing, crumbley snap sound to them on the first bite and you’re painfully aware that you’re being really noisy.  You cannot, and should  not, attempt to eat them in secret, its just not going to work.  They therefore rank highly, and it must be said similarly, to pretty much all other type of biscuit in the sound stakes.

Heart:

I love them, as a friend, as an ally and as a companion through the adventures of life.  They’re always there for you, they taste lovely and its a great way to meet people.  If you met me and gave me a Bourbon I would consider you an immediate friend, but I digress…
…..I really like Bourbons.

And so, dear readers, we must conclude.  What did we learn?  Bourbons look good, can make you my friend, taste like the tears of an angel and feel normal.  Smell wise there could be room for improvement, but seeing as we would have to get the Scientists in to find out, it seems a little irrelevant.  I can with all good conscience recommend them to all ages, tastes and physical abilities.

Next time I’ll pick another biscuit and talk about it at great length.  If it ain’t broke….

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Discussion

5 thoughts on “Bourbons. Why? And Wherefore?

  1. I have a concern to raise here, biscuit Ben. The picture displayed does not appear to adhere to biscuit regulations. There should be standard 10 holes with a regulation size of 61 x 33mm. In your experience how many bourbon brands adhere to these regulations? i.e. how many are FAKE bourbons, merely impersonating the REAL deal!? Worth some investigation me thinks!

    Posted by Party Bex | July 18, 2011, 1:33 pm
  2. ‘Party Bex’ thanks for your comments, killer name and kind words. In no particular order- the kids are doing great thanks, yes it’s an effort to single-handely carry cutting-edge science on my shoulders and no they don’t have 10 holes. They clearly have 8, haven’t you seen the photo?

    Posted by biscuitswin | July 18, 2011, 5:46 pm
  3. As the internet loves buzz i feel the need to comment on this excellent piece of investigative journalism into the biscuit world. I for one felt an overriding sense of euphoria at the mere mention of the word ‘Bourbon’
    Never before has such an indepth and informative compendium of knowledge been bestowed on us the adoring masses.
    Join me in the revolution and demand that biscuitswin is declared the worthy winner of a Pulitzer, Booker, Nobel Peace Prize, Tony, Emmy, Grammy, Harry Potter Afficionado best blog ever and all that jazz!

    Posted by biscuitfan_36256789541230 | July 19, 2011, 7:30 pm
  4. I ate a biscuit

    Posted by CorwinB | July 22, 2011, 10:30 am
  5. It is like a biscuit for dummies and review all rolled in to one. This site will be one of the staple blogs councils around the country will use to help pick the type of biscuit they will have in their meetings. I can feel it!

    Posted by Katrina Percy | July 23, 2011, 9:33 am

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